Trapped

I'm trapped. Trapped by walls of self doubt and silence.

All I ever wanted some closure and a second chance. And just when I thought I was going to be able to get them

you are too busy

too tired

too far away.

And I start to worry over every little thing, every detail, every word.

I don't know why I worry, you said yourself that I have done nothing wrong. It's because I'm trapped. Trapped but those looming, intimidating walls of self doubt and silence.

They make me analyze over and over again each message before I send it. They make me worry that every time you say I'll see if I can you really mean I don't want to.

And worst of all they make me scared that you'll read this post and know that I am talking about you, that it will make me seem obsessive and pathetic.

When all I really want to say is that I have no other voice that is brave enough to scale the walls I am trapped behind, no other voice that is strong enough to try and break through to you.

And the walls last defenses is to laugh at this small, daring voice insisting that you will never read this anyways. This almost stops me.

But then it's my turn to laugh and scream back at the walls What the hell! There is no harm in putting this out there if you never see it.

So here is the last voice willing to try. Throwing itself out into existence and hoping that I am not too late. Hoping that I am not just in love with someone long forgotten in the past.