Regret To Inform You

I regret to inform you that I cannot actually tell you how to do anything.

I can't tell you how to fall in love because every time I do, it is not returned. I can't tell you how to piss someone off because I do it without even trying. I can't tell you how to fry a fish because I prefer baking. I can't tell you how to dance because my dance moves are limited to awkward shuffling and spinning in endless circles.

I was not born to be a teacher. When something finally makes sense in my head I can't tell someone else exactly why it does or how to understand it themselves. I can't tell you how to write a good English essay, or how to solve a radical equation.

I can't tell you how to drive a car because I drive mine much too fast. I can't tell you how to succeed in business because I've never made more than 8 dollars an hour. I can't tell you how to make friends because the ones I have somehow found me and I'm not even sure why they are still here.

I can't tell you how to look your best because most the time all I wear is jeans and a hoodie. I can't tell you how to believe in a greater being because I am not religious. I can't give you instructions on how to become a poet or tell you step by step how to make a good blog.

So I'm sorry this wasn't informative or instructional.

Actually, I'm not. I'm not sorry that I can't tell you how to do something. Because in my opinion, nobody can tell you how to live. We learn and discover by our own trial and error. So if you are having to rely on someone as insignificant as me to give you instructions on how to do something,

then you are doing it wrong.