Start to Sew

Despite countless arguments

with my best friend

about whether or not 

I have a heart

I do think I have one.

It's just so battered

and broken

that it's barely recognizable

and I hate people seeing it's condition.

And I'm afraid

that if someone sees it

they will tell me it's beyond fixing

and it is better left untouched.

So I keep it under lock and key.

Except...

Maybe...

just this once

I'll give this person the key.

I only hope they'll take a look

and instead of walking away

they'll hold it tenderly

and start to sew.

In The End

I have spent the last two days in severe pain. So this is going to be short and sweet.

nature always runs it course

no matter what we have to say

or what we do.

the flower will always bloom

the wolf will always howl

and the leaves will always fall.

to me

this explains life.

everything will happen exactly

when it's supposed to happen.

it's not always convenient

or comfortable

or opportune.

but in the end we'll be grateful

because nature has a way

of always working out.

Give It Back

Hello Death.

I can still remember the first time we met. It was at my aunt's funeral. I remember as I looked into her expressionless, almost purple face, I saw you. I was young. Too young to realize why you were smiling at me. I could hardly bear it so I simply stopped looking. It was awhile before we met again.

It was at my grandmothers funeral. You had not stopped to say hello when my grandfather was buried a few months earlier, but this time you paid me visit. And as I stood watching the dirt cascade down over the cement box, you placed something icy and cold in my heart. It took root, and festered there, slowly draining me.

By the time it became noticeable to those around me, it was almost too late. I was a very lost eighth grader who was sick and tired of being the good kid of the family. The one with the train wreck brothers and mental case of a sister, who had the perfect grades and the perfect test scores and the very imperfect and quite twisted soul. You were scared away by a visit from a shrink who invaded the personal space of my room and who I secretly despise to this day.

You didn't stay away long though, and a year later you were back in my sights. Someone who I thought was good used you against me to bend me to their will. They were a monster who knew losing people I cared about to you was a weakness of mine. And I went through six months of hell just to try and keep them out of your clutches. In fighting against you so fervently, I almost lost myself to you. Because you soon seemed as the only way out of the terror of the relationship I had with them.

I gained my best friend that year because she helped save me from him, and ultimately you. I'm starting to worry though that you have grasped her tightly and I'm going to have to fight for her this time around.

That icy cold something you placed inside me still hasn't left. I feel it inside me every single time I receive one of those damn text forwards delivering the sad news that we lost another student at our school. I feel it every time I look into my friends eyes and don't see the shimmer that was there when we first met. And I feel it every time I get home and can still smell the latest date on my clothes.

Because you don't just steal lives. You steal hearts.

And I want mine back so I can remember that my mother picked me to be hers and really does want me to come back and visit some day. So I can maybe, one day, love the one who makes me smile and laugh and sings to me. I want mine back because there is so much beauty in this world and I want to see it all without you hanging inside my empty chest.

That's the real reason I'm writing to you Death. I want my heart back. You can have it when you take my life. But until then, give it back.